How to Pray for Someone Else (When You Don't Know What to Say)

Someone you love is going through something hard.

Maybe it's a friend who just got a diagnosis. A coworker who is barely holding it together. A family member who will not talk about what is really going on, but you can see it on their face. Maybe it is your spouse, your child, your parent. Maybe it is someone you have not spoken to in years, but they crossed your mind this morning and you cannot shake the feeling that something is wrong.

You want to pray for them. You feel like you should. But when you bow your head, nothing comes.

You do not know what to say. You do not know the right words. You are not even sure God wants to hear from you about someone else's problems when you can barely manage your own.

Here is the truth: you do not need the right words. You do not need theological training. You do not need to sound eloquent or spiritual or polished. You just need to show up and be honest with God about someone you love.

That is what intercessory prayer actually is. And it is one of the most powerful things you will ever do for another person, even if they never know you did it.

You Are Not Bothering God

Let's get this out of the way first, because it stops a lot of people before they even start.

Some of us carry around this idea that God is busy. That He has bigger things to deal with. That your friend's anxiety or your sister's marriage or your neighbor's loneliness is not really worth bringing to the Creator of the universe.

That is not how God works.

Scripture is full of people praying for other people, and God never once says, "I am too busy for this." Moses prayed for Israel. Abraham prayed for Sodom. Paul prayed for every church he ever wrote to. Jesus Himself prayed for His disciples, by name, on the night before He was crucified.

If Jesus thought it was worth praying for other people on the hardest night of His life, then your prayer for your coworker matters. Your prayer for your mother matters. Your prayer for that friend who ghosted everyone and will not return your calls matters.

You are not bothering God. You are doing exactly what He asked you to do.

Why Praying for Others Feels So Hard

If you have ever tried to start a prayer habit, you already know that praying for yourself can feel awkward enough. Praying for someone else adds a whole new layer of uncertainty.

You might not know the full situation. You might not understand what they actually need. You might be afraid of praying for the wrong thing. What if you ask God to heal someone and they do not get better? What if you pray for a marriage to be restored and it ends anyway?

Here is what I have learned: prayer is not about getting the outcome right. Prayer is about bringing someone into the presence of God and trusting Him with what happens next. You are not the one who has to fix it. You are just the one who cares enough to lift them up.

That is not a small thing. That might be the biggest thing you do today.

Start With What You Know

You do not need the full story to pray for someone. You just need the piece God put on your heart.

If all you know is that your friend is hurting, pray for comfort. If all you know is that your brother seems lost, pray for clarity. If all you know is that someone's name keeps showing up in your mind and you do not know why, just say, "God, I don't know what they need, but You do. Be with them today."

That is a complete prayer. It does not need to be longer. It does not need to be fancier. God is not grading your prayers on style points.

Here are some simple starting points when you genuinely do not know what to say:

When someone is hurting and you do not know the details:
"God, You know what they are carrying. I do not. Meet them in it. Let them feel that they are not alone."

When someone is making a decision:
"God, give them wisdom. Clear away the noise. Help them hear Your voice above their own fear."

When someone is far from faith:
"God, do not give up on them. Put the right people in their path. Open a door they were not expecting."

When someone is sick:
"God, be their healer and their comfort. Give their doctors wisdom. Give their family strength. And give them peace that does not depend on the outcome."

When you are angry with the person you are praying for:
"God, I do not want to pray for them right now. But I know You love them. Help me see them the way You do."

That last one is hard. But it is real. And God honors real.

Pray Scripture Over Them

If you have ever read what Philippians 4:6 actually asks of you, you know that Scripture gives us words when our own words run out.

One of the most powerful ways to pray for someone is to take a passage of Scripture and pray it directly over their life. You do not have to invent anything. You just borrow God's own words and aim them at someone you love.

Here are a few examples:

Take Psalm 23. If someone you love is walking through a season that feels like a valley, you can pray: "God, be their Shepherd. Let them not want. Lead them beside still waters. Restore their soul." If you want to understand the depth of that psalm, read what Psalm 23 actually means when life gets hard. It will change the way you pray it over someone else.

Take Philippians 4:7. Pray: "God, give them peace that goes beyond anything they can understand. Guard their heart and their mind."

Take Romans 8:28. Pray: "God, I know You work all things together for good for those who love You. Even this. Even now. Work this into something that brings them closer to You." That verse carries more weight than most people realize, and it does not mean what most people think it means, but when you understand it properly, it becomes one of the most honest prayers you can pray.

Take Isaiah 41:10. Pray: "God, tell them not to be afraid. Be with them. Strengthen them. Hold them up."

You do not have to memorize all of these. Just find one passage that fits what someone is going through, and let it become your prayer. If you keep a prayer journal, write the verse and the person's name next to it. That simple act of writing it down changes something. It moves the prayer from a passing thought to an intentional act of love. If you have never tried journaling your prayers, here is how to start.

You Do Not Have to Pray Alone

There is something that happens when you pray with someone instead of just praying for them.

If the person knows you are praying for them, ask if you can pray right now. Not later. Not "I'll keep you in my prayers" and then forget by the time you get in the car. Right there. Out loud. In person, on the phone, over text. It does not matter.

Some of the most powerful prayers I have ever been part of were not in a church building. They were in parking lots. On phone calls at midnight. In hospital waiting rooms. At kitchen tables with coffee getting cold.

You do not need a special setting. You need one other person and honesty before God. That is it.

And if the person does not know you are praying for them, that is fine too. Some of the most important prayers are the ones that happen in silence, in your car before work, in bed before you fall asleep. God hears those just as clearly as the ones spoken out loud.

What to Do When You Cannot Fix It

This might be the hardest part of praying for someone else. You pray, and nothing seems to change.

The diagnosis does not go away. The marriage still struggles. The prodigal still has not come home. You pray and you pray and you start to wonder if it is doing anything at all.

I have been there. If you have ever read Deep Water ↗, you know I have been in seasons where the prayers felt like they were bouncing off the ceiling. Where everything I asked God for seemed to get worse, not better.

But here is what I have learned from the other side of those seasons: prayer changes things. Sometimes it changes the situation. Sometimes it changes the person you are praying for. And sometimes, honestly, it changes you.

When you pray for someone consistently, something shifts in your own heart. You start to see them differently. You become slower to judge and quicker to love. You start carrying their weight with them instead of just watching from the outside. And that kind of love, that active, intentional, show-up-even-when-it-is-hard love, is exactly what 1 Corinthians 16:14 is talking about.

Let all that you do be done in love. Including prayer. Especially prayer.

Practical Ways to Pray for People Consistently

Intention is great, but systems are what keep you consistent. Here are a few ways to build this into your actual life:

Keep a prayer list. Write down the names of people you are praying for and what you are bringing to God on their behalf. Update it. Circle back to it. A journal like After Amen ↗ is built for exactly this. Each page has space for your prayer and space to listen for God's response. It turns prayer from a one-sided conversation into something deeper.

Assign people to days. If your list grows, give each person a day of the week. Monday is for your family. Tuesday is for your friends. Wednesday is for your church. You do not have to pray for everyone every day. You just have to be faithful.

Pray when the thought hits. If someone crosses your mind during the day, pray right then. Do not wait. The thought might be the nudge. A ten-second prayer in the middle of your commute still counts. "God, be with Sarah today" is enough.

Use a devotional to fuel your prayers. When you read Scripture each morning, let it shape who you pray for. The 365-Day Devotional ↗ gives you a passage and a reflection every day. Let that day's reading remind you of someone who needs that word, and pray it over them.

Text someone and tell them you prayed for them. You have no idea how much this means to someone who is struggling. You do not have to explain the whole prayer. Just say, "I prayed for you this morning." That sentence has carried people through days they were not sure they could survive.

The Person You Are Hardest On Might Need Your Prayer Most

I want to say one more thing, because I think it matters.

Sometimes the person who needs your prayer most is the person you are most frustrated with. The family member who hurt you. The friend who betrayed your trust. The person you are still trying to figure out how to forgive.

Praying for someone who hurt you is one of the most counterintuitive things Jesus ever asked us to do. And He did ask. Directly. "Pray for those who persecute you." That is Matthew 5:44, and He was not being hypothetical.

I am not going to tell you it is easy. It is not. But I will tell you this: praying for someone you are angry with does not mean you are excusing what they did. It means you are handing them to God instead of carrying them yourself. And that is freedom.

If all you can manage is, "God, I do not want to pray for them, but I am trying," that is a real prayer. Start there.

You Do Not Need Perfect Words. You Need a Willing Heart.

Prayer for other people is not about performance. It is not about length, vocabulary, or theological precision. It is about love. It is about looking at someone who is struggling and deciding that the most important thing you can do for them today is bring their name before God.

You can do that. Right now. Before you even finish reading this.

Pick one person. Say their name. Tell God what you see. Ask Him to do what only He can do.

That is enough. That has always been enough.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." - Mark 11:24

Read next: How to Start a Prayer Habit When You Have No Idea What to Say